my life, a movie
The first week of committing to this insane idea of writing one positive post every day, and already it’s getting hard.
I spent today in a horrible mood. I had dark, fatalistic thoughts. I practically bristled with negative energy, except that I didn’t have any energy at all. I wanted to curl and give up. I had to resort to the last line of defence, so I used my special secret talent for falling asleep anywhere and at any time, and had a two-hour nap on the couch. When you sleep, you cannot think negative things. Also, you interrupt that horrible downward spiral. It worked okay. I wasn’t in a much better mood afterwards, but at least I pulled myself out of the down trend.
How is this a positive post? Actually, it isn’t. So far. If my life was a movie, I could now tell you a beautiful anecdote of how I learned something about myself, the world, the universe from this day, and how that made it all worthwhile.
Well, it’s not a movie. I didn’t learn some kind of lesson. I’m still not feeling peachy.
But you know what? I don’t care.
This is a positive post because it rained half the day (the garden has been dry as tinder). It is a positive post because the sun came out in the afternoon and glittered on the raindrops quivering on the red tulip petals. It is a positive post because I watched a documentary segment about a young woman in Afghanistan, who sprays graffiti in Kabul to spread hope and spark new ideas through her art, even if she is continually in danger while doing it. This is a positive post, because my grandma is recovering well from a very recent eye operation, because all my family is healthy, and because apparently, from time to time, I need days like this to appreciate what I have and to be motivated for the future.
Damn it, a lesson sneaked in at the last line. Maybe my life is a movie after all?
Well, I better go and find that writer who’s responsible for the script. I have some ideas I’d like to discuss…