writing in hibernation mode

I’m so tired these days. It’s hard to wake up. I think I’m missing the sun. Maybe my body wants to hibernate. This sleep-walking state seems to be good for my writing though. Probably because my brain is left out of it and my subconscious has full reign of my fingers as I type.

The following is the beginning of an idea that I have carried in my heart for years. I was always afraid to work on it. This morning I woke with a song in my mind, the song that is the inspiration to that idea. And these words flowed out. If you have any comments or feedback… you know the drill.

**********

I’m writing this to you. You know who you are. You are the one who destroyed my life.

I remember when I saw you the first time. You were standing at the edge of the crowd on the afternoon of the poetry reading in honor of the prize we’d recently won at the department. I noticed you because you were so still, standing like a statue – or no, not a statue. A statue is dead. And you were alive. The whole chattering, laughing, excited crowd seemed dead next to you as you stood there. You were the center of the world spinning around you. And your eyes… Your eyes were fixed on Norma.

I pointed you out to her. How ironic is that?

Actually, it isn’t. It’s a bad joke, that’s all.

I wonder now… If I hadn’t pointed you out, if I hadn’t bent my head to her as we sat at the side of the stage, and whispered “Hey, I think you’ve got an admirer!” and she hadn’t smiled up at me and said “Only one?” and then followed my little nod in your direction and she hadn’t met your eyes over the crowd assembled to hear the poetry of our students… Had none of that happened, would I be writing this letter now? Would she be here with me at this moment, instead of…

I hate you.

But I cannot blame you.

The blame rests with me. Or maybe not. Maybe there is noone to blame. Maybe it had to happen like this. Maybe this was always meant to be, right from the beginning.

The beginning… I don’t even know when it began. I seems there is no beginning. Was it that our grandfathers worked side by side in the factory? That they went off to fight in the same regiment and returned home badly wounded within three months of each other? That their wives had forged a close friendship in their absence and the couples bought neighboring houses? That our fathers and uncles and aunts grew up side by side? That our fathers, in turn, moved into neighboring houses when they each married? Was that the beginning?

Or was it that we were born in the same year, six months apart – the winter child and the summer child. Mike and Norma.

**********

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About wordsurfer

writer, ex-teacher, human rights believer & fighter, traveller, adventure-seeker, freedom lover, global citizen. big on daydreams, less so on reality.

Posted on January 23, 2013, in day-to-day and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 17 Comments.

  1. Hmmm… You have me curious about where you are going with this.

  2. free penny press

    This sounds like you are on to something good.. intriguing.. not sure if this is fact or fiction, but i say let the words take you where they need to.. see what you come up with..look forward to reading more 🙂

    • Thank you! It’s definitely fiction – the beginning of something I wanted to write forever, but was afraid of messing up. Now it feels like I found the right tone and approach. I’ll see how it goes. As you say, I’m going to let the words take me!

  3. This is beautiful, especially the end, tying people together. I’m sorry you are tired, but the results are amazing. 🙂

  4. I love this! If I picked up a book and this was the first page, I would definitely keep reading! I’m really curious about the characters and learning what happened. 🙂

    • Knowing your love for literary fiction, I was wondering what you’d say about this! Thank you, that’s a great copliment. It also encourages me that I seem to finally have found the right approach for this story.

  5. go on! i am very curios!

  6. You know when you sometimes read a certain line and it makes your skin prickle? Your last line did that to me. In a good way.
    You should continue working on this. It’s really good!

    • Wow, Zen… That’s a very special thing to say. I remember when you wrote in a blog post, quite a while back, that your aim is to write so that readers can feel the emotions – that’s pretty much what you told me right now. I’m thinking: ‘I made someone’s spine tingle? Really?’ and … Well, it’s special.

  7. This sounds like too many experiences I’ve had. There’s more right? 🙂

  8. It made me wonder, what happened and what’s going to happen

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