there’s a world that was meant for us to see

I meant to write a blog post today expressing my thanks, talking about Christmas a little bit and drawing some meaningful, poetic conclusion of the last year. I’ve been writing it in my head for days. But all I feel today is frustration, sadness and anger, and I cannot write it.

The truth is, I don’t like New Year’s Eve (or Sylvester, as we call it in Germany). There is no real significance behind it, yet everybody makes such a big thing out of it that it’s easy to feel left out. Especially if you have nothing to celebrate, or do not feel ready for a new start.

All the end-of-year lists, the summing up, the best-of lists… They make me anxious. I feel under pressure. It’s true that for the past fifteen or sixteen years, I’ve sat myself down in a quiet corner some time during the afternoon of the 31st of December and written some kind of conclusion of the year, of my year. It’s frequently helped to ground me, to focus on the big things. It’s strictly personal, however, and nobody will ever read it until I’m dead.

Two days ago I was taking a nap on the couch, more or less because I was bored and didn’t feel like doing anything else. When I woke up, in that little space between sleeping and being fully awake, I had the idea that I wanted to write down wishes for the new year. Not resolutions, because they don’t work for me, not things I ‘have to’ do, or ‘should’ do. But write wishes, things I want, things I wish for. And because I want them to have significance, I wasn’t going to write them on normal paper, but make beautiful, unique, personal cards in a rainbow of colours and pictures and write my wishes on those. So I made cards. They haven’t turned out perfect – far from it! – because I’m not good at crafts. But I like them. They are personal and they are pretty enough to satisfy me. Now it’s early afternoon and I have the cards, but I haven’t written anything yet, because I’m still in that mood of anger and frustration. I want to get rid of it. I don’t like starting new things with old things hanging on. I like clean sheets. Figuratively as well as literally.

And while I try to get into a better frame of mind, I’m listening to the song that I’m going to wear on my banner in the next year. It’s a song that holds a special place in my heart. It chides me and at the same time gives me infinite freedom. It challenges my comfort zone and never once gives me the feeling that I’m not capable of anything I set my mind to. It has such mystique and power and freedom and a deep wealth of pictures and emotions. This is the song I want with me throughout the year, the song I need at my side. This is my personal anthem for 2013.

Oh, there’s a river that winds on forever

I’m gonna see where it leads.

Oh, there’s a mountain that no man has mounted

I’m gonna stand on the peak.

.

Out there’s a land that time don’t command

wanna be the first to arrive.

no time for pondering why I’m a-wandering

…*

.

To the ends of the earth, would you follow me?

There’s a world that was meant for us to see

To the ends of the earth would you follow me?

…*

.

Oh, there’s an island where all things are silent

I’m gonna whistle a tune.

Oh, there’s a desert whose size can’t be measured

I’m gonna count all the dunes.

.

Out there’s a world that calls for me, girl

headin’ out into the unknown.

If there are strangers and all kinds of dangers,

don’t say I’m going alone.

.

To the ends of the earth, would you follow me?

There’s a world that was meant for us to see

To the ends of the earth would you follow me?

…*

.

I was a-ready to die for you baby,

doesn’t mean I’m ready to stay.

What good is living a life you’ve been given

if all you do is stay in one place?

.

I’m on a river that winds on forever

follow ’til I get where I’m goin’.

Maybe I’m headin’ to die but I’m still gonna try

I guess I’m goin’ alone.

 *I can’t make out these lines… Sorry.

Advertisement